Effective Negotiation – Why Cognitive Dissonance Works
Effectively negotiating requires us to support the people we are negotiating with and simultaneously fight hard for our interests. While on the surface this seems like a conflict, in practice it is exactly what works.
We are all negotiators wether we want to be or not. Talking with our spouses, kids, co-workers, business associates, all use negotiation skills. Seeking win-win solutions is key to effective negotiation. As I continue to explore the book “Getting to Yes” and applying what I learn I’m finding the below concept very effective.
Explain the Importance and Severity of Each Interest
As we discuss our interests it’s important to explain and understand the importance of each. For example, going to doctor to say I have a slight discomfort will get your treated very differently than if you say there is severe pain in my side.
As you express the severity of an issue you want to make it clear you are not attacking the other party. You also want to ensure the other side sees the legitimacy of the issue. For example, if you are concerned about safety around a construction site you can express how a kid almost got run over the other day. Then you can appeal to the other person to see if from your point of view, “How would you feel if that was your kid?”.
Seek to Understand
As you listen to the interests of the other side, explain in your own words what you understood about their interests. For example “Did I understand correctly that you are concerned for the safety of the kids around the construction site?”. Explain that you understand it, “It would be terrible for a truck to hit a child”.
Explain Why Before Proposing Solution
If you propose a solution such as “i think you should build a fence and restrict the speed of trucks” followed by “let me explain why” the other person will not listen to the why. They will busy processing the solution and usually rebutting it. Talk about the problem and why first. Then discuss some possible solutions.
Look Forward not Back
Some times people argue because of past issues with a goal to “win points” instead of solve a problem. You may have experienced such a situation where you or the other person tries to explain why they were right and you were wrong. Additionally people get offended and they want retribution. If a person feels like you have offended them, they are going to “try and make you pay for it”
Look for purpose and use your free will to look forward and where you want to go. Instead of asking people to justify what they did yesterday, focus on who should do what tomorrow.
Be concrete but flexible
You want to go into a negotiation with some concrete ideas instead of just showing up and seeing what the other person offers. Ask yourself “If the other side agrees to go along with me, what would I want them to go along with?” Think of each option as illustrative. For example “$X would likely be meet the interest for compensation and a 30 day closing period should work for timing”. Think of these as just options and be open for other solutions.
Hard on Problem Soft on People
It is wise to commit yourself to your interest and talk about them in a hard way. I.e. don’t treat your interests as low priority. Show people that you are attacking the problem, that you care, and you are not attacking them. When you support the other person but attack the problem it causes physiological dissidence. In order resolve this inconsistency the other person will disassociate themselves from the problem and work with you to do something about it which is what you want.
This Combination Works
Fighting hard on the problem, supporting the person who you are negotiating with, and seeking to understand/being open to ideas is precisely what works. It communicates the importance of the problem to the other person so they can see it and feel it, has the other person disassociate personally from the problem so they can work on solutions with you, and both parties know each understands and is trying to meet everyone’s interests. If you go into a negotiation with he above intent you will be more likely to meet your interests and come to a mutually beneficial solution!
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